If I Die ss-5 Read online

  And if he’d lost both the baby and the ability to have another with Danica, would he be looking for a new potential mother from among his remaining students? Maybe…students who needed help with math?

  “Can we please forget the percentage points?” Em groaned. “This is already too much like school.”

  “And if he’s as old as I think he is, he has killed,” Sabine continued, ignoring Em’s complaint. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have survived this long.”

  “But he’s obviously not feeding where he…breeds, or else we’d have heard about the deaths.” I closed my eyes, far from relieved that my distraction had actually turned into something big enough to eclipse my own problems. “Any idea how often he has to eat?”

  Sabine shook her head. “Sorry. I exhausted my incubus knowledge with that fertile period thing.”

  “Well, you knew more than I did. What else did you get from reading him?” I asked, while Em listened with a frown, obviously reluctant to believe anything bad about Mr. Beck.

  “Um…he’s afraid that the girls are too old, though I’m not sure I understand that, if he’s targeting his students.” Which seemed to be the case, if we were right about Danica. “And he’s afraid that even if he gets a baby, it won’t be a boy. He’s scared of a lot of things,” Sabine said, and when I looked up, I realized she was talking to me, not Em. “But do you know what he’s not afraid of?”

  “Clowns?” Emma said, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

  Sabine never even glanced at her, and I shook my head in reply. I had no idea.

  “Getting caught.” The mara’s eyes gleamed with a dark malevolence I found oddly comforting, since she was on my side this time. “It hasn’t even crossed his mind that there might be a consequence in this for him, other than not getting what he wants. How do you feel about that, Kay?”

  “Pissed off.” I was almost as surprised by the anger in my own voice as I was by the actual words I hadn’t intended to say. Until I realized they were true. I was pissed, on Danica’s behalf, and on behalf of anyone else who may have suffered like she did.

  Sabine nodded sharply, and her earrings glinted in the sun from the skylight overhead. “I say we take the bastard down.”

  9

  Emma had to leave for work straight from the food court, but Sabine insisted on following me home in her car so we could start researching incubi in general, and Mr. Beck in particular. She claimed dedication to the mission, and I’m sure that was part of it—she typically cured boredom with chaos—but I wasn’t fooled; we could have researched separately and combined info later. Sabine was coming over so that when Nash arrived after practice, we wouldn’t be alone.

  And honestly, I couldn’t blame her.

  I pushed the front door open and was surprised to find Alec sitting on the couch, obviously waiting for me.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” I held the door for Sabine, then closed it behind her. “And how’d you get in?” As happy as I was to see him, I couldn’t help being suspicious. It turned out that about half the time I’d spent with Alec when he was staying with us had actually been spent in the company of Avari, the hellion of greed who’d been possessing him and using him to kill my teachers.

  But then I noticed Styx curled up asleep on the couch next to him, and both my suspicion and fear slipped away. She would never sleep through a hellion possession.

  Alec stood and held his arms out for me. “Your dad dropped by my place on his way to work this morning with a key and a strongly worded request that I come keep you company tonight. He’s not gonna make it for dinner.” I let him fold me into a hug, and I knew by his tight grip and reluctance to let go that my dad had filled him in completely—and that he was now off looking for some way to save my life. “Four days, Kay? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Before I could answer, Styx’s head popped up and a low growl rumbled from her throat. Sabine stiffened and I backed out of Alec’s brotherly grip, all three of us instantly on alert.

  “Yeah, why didn’t you tell him, Kay?” Thane said, and I whirled around to see the reaper standing in the kitchen doorway, eyeing me in mock concern. “Don’t you think your friends should know you’re about to leave them?”

  “What’s wrong?” Sabine had noticed me staring toward the kitchen, and Alec was just watching me, waiting.

  “Nothing,” I said, hyperaware of Tod’s warning about putting our friends in danger. “Styx is probably just mad that we interrupted her nap.”

  “Yeah, that’s it….” Thane said from behind me. I actually heard his clothes rustle as he came closer and because I didn’t trust him at my back, it took every bit of self-control I had to keep ignoring him. “Where’d you get that thing, anyway? I’ve never seen one of those yappy little monsters on this side of the barrier.”

  “I didn’t tell you because there’s nothing you can do,” I said to Alec, struggling to concentrate on the conversation I was actually having, rather than the one I was boycotting.

  “Damn right…” Thane sat on the arm of the couch, and Styx stood on the cushion to growl at him.

  “There’s nothing anyone can do,” I continued, determined to ignore him. “So I’m just kind of…trying not to think about it.” And thanks to Thane, I was failing miserably, in spite of the scary new distraction Mr. Beck had provided. Knowing my death was coming was like tumbling into a deep, dark pit in slow motion. The world above me narrowed into an ever-smaller point of light as I fell further and further from its influence.

  And I fell faster every time Thane showed up.

  Sabine dropped into my father’s recliner like she owned it, eyeing Alec. “So you’re, like, the babysitter? What, Kaylee can’t even be trusted to die on her own?”

  Thane laughed. “I like her!”

  Completely oblivious to the reaper sitting feet away, Alec sank onto the couch and pulled me down next to him, brows raised at Sabine. “Wow, you’re about as warm as a frostbitten toe.”

  I leaned back with my feet on the battered coffee table, hands folded over my stomach. “Sabine has frostbite of the heart. Unfortunately, her mouth is perfectly functional.”

  “As is my brain. Let’s get started.”

  She was right—time was my enemy. Well, time and Thane. I twisted to look up at Alec, who towered over me even when we sat side by side. “My dad’s just being overprotective. You can go if you want,” I said, in spite of the voice in my head insisting that I not be left alone with Thane. “Obviously I won’t be wasting away here by myself…” I glanced pointedly at Sabine. “And Nash is coming over after dinner, so I’ll be in good hands.”

  Sabine gave a harsh laugh. “She’ll be in more than just his hands, if you leave them alone together. So feel free to hang out and keep them from getting naked.” Since she’d promised not to stand in our way.

  “Oh, goody, a show!” the reaper cried, and because I couldn’t yell at him, I had to take my frustration out on the mara. Who probably deserved it anyway.

  “Sabine!” I snapped, before I realized that rising to her bait was as good as admitting my intentions.

  Alec’s surprise slid quickly into amusement. “That’s why your dad really sent me…?”

  “No.” Probably. I could feel my face burn, and I could have killed Sabine for giving the reaper that little glimpse into my life—even though she had no idea what she’d done. “And my sex life is none of anyone else’s business.”

  Sabine laughed out loud. “Your sex life is fictional.”

  “Okay, get out.” I stood and gestured toward the door on my way into the kitchen, talking to her, but glancing pointedly at Thane. “If you aren’t going to help, then just go home.”

  “Oh, calm down,” Sabine called from the living room. “And let Alec stay, too. We could use him.”

  “Use me for what?” Alec asked, as I dug in the fridge for three cold sodas.

  “Nothing like what you’re probably thinking,” Sabine said. “Though I do have four more d
ays as a free woman, so long as you’re just lookin’ for a little fun….”

  I tossed a soda at her, secretly aiming for her head, and the mara caught it one-handed, shooting me a challenging grin. I brushed past the reaper no one else could see and Alec frowned as I handed him a can and sank onto the couch again, this time facing both him and Sabine. “Does that mean what it sounds like it means?” he asked.

  “Yes.” I could only shrug and pop open my drink. “In one sentence, she managed to proposition you, call dibs on my boyfriend, and remind us all—again—that I’m going to die.”

  Sabine grinned. “I’m an acquired taste.”

  “Well, my tastes run more toward comfort food, but thanks for the offer,” Alec said, and Sabine shrugged off the dismissal while he turned back to me. “I hesitate to ask—I’m not sure I want to know what put the two of you on the same side of an issue—but what’s going on? What were you going to use me for?”

  “Yes, what are you up to, little bean sidhe…?” Thane taunted, leaning back to watch the show, like he was our own live studio audience.

  “I had no plans to drag you into this, but since you’re here…what do you know about incubi?”

  Alec stared at me for a moment, his brown eyes wide with surprise. Then narrowed in concern. “Do you ever ask for help with anything normal?”

  I lifted one brow at him. “There’s a Netherworld guard dog curled up in my lap and I’m going to die in four days,” I said, my stomach pitching at the very thought. And I’m being stalked by the reaper assigned to kill me. “I don’t even remember what normal looks like, Alec.”

  “You’re taking this death thing pretty calmly,” he said, his voice soft, his gaze searching mine for signs of a crack in my composed facade.

  “I believe he’s right.” Thane leaned in closer, staring at me in imitation of Alec, and the urge to punch him was almost as strong as the fluttering panic his presence—another reminder of my own impending death—spawned deep in my chest. “Can’t have that, now can we? Hmm…” Then he disappeared, and I sighed in relief, in spite of his ominous exit.

  Styx put her head down on my knee and went to sleep while I refocused on the conversation, determined to push my own problems aside for just a little while longer, a luxury that was rapidly expiring, along with my lifeline.

  “I’m only calm on the outside. What can you tell us about incubi?”

  Alec frowned over my reply, but didn’t push the issue.

  “What do you already know?”

  I set my soda on the coffee table and began ticking points off on my fingers. “They’re always male. They feed from lust. They go into some kind of weird fertile period every century or so. And…there’s one teaching math at my school.”

  “Whoa…” Alec sat up straight, glancing from me to Sabine and back. “One of your teachers is an incubus? How are you just now figuring this out?”

  “Because he doesn’t stand at the front of the classroom chanting ‘I’m a sex demon, please come vanquish me,’” Sabine said, popping the tab on her soda.

  “He’s only been there six weeks,” I added, still stroking Styx’s fur while she slept. “He’s Mr. Wesner’s replacement. Sabine knew he wasn’t human, but we didn’t know anything was wrong until Danica Sussman had a miscarriage in the middle of first period on Friday, and it turns out the baby wasn’t her boyfriend’s,” I said, trying not to remember her on the floor, bleeding…

  “Uh-oh.” Alec scuffed one hand over his tight, dark curls. “Okay, let’s start with the facts.” He popped his can open and took the first sip, then set it on an end table. “Incubi are all male, and they do feed from lust, either indirectly—kind of like sunbathing on a bright day—or directly, which involves…pretty much exactly what you’re thinking.”

  “Ew!” I tried and failed to purge the visual of Mr. Beck feeding during sex, but Sabine only shrugged.

  “At least you’d die happy.” Her brows rose. “Hey, maybe that’s how you’re gonna go, Kaylee….”

  I shook my head, firmly denying the unease crawling slowly up my spine. “No way. No.” But I couldn’t deny the coincidence. Our new math teacher was a psychic leach and I was scheduled to die in four days. Please, please, please don’t let those two things be connected…

  “Don’t worry.” Alec leaned forward to scratch behind Styx’s ears. “I doubt his charm would have much of an effect on either of you, considering you’re not human.”

  “Charm?”

  “It’s like sexual charisma, or some kind of strong, supernatural pheromone. He can direct it, to a certain extent, but a little bit of it is always going to leak out and draw people to him. And he, in return, can feed indirectly off the lust those people feel for him.”

  “So, every time some poor student gets a crush on her math teacher, he has a little snack?” I said, horrified by the very concept.

  “Yeah. Only he’s not limited to students. Or girls.”

  “Lucky bastard!” Sabine set her can on the floor. “He doesn’t even have to wait for anyone to fall asleep.”

  “Yeah. That’s the part of this that’s messed up.” I turned to Alec, trying to forget how much Sabine had in common with Mr. Beck, at least on the surface. “Any other incubus facts?”

  “Well, you’re right about the breeding. The incubus fertility cycle lasts a hundred to one hundred twenty years, but they’re only actually fertile for twelve to fourteen months of that. The exact length of time varies, like a woman’s menstrual cycle.”

  “That is nothing like a menstrual cycle,” Sabine said, and for once, I had to agree with her.

  “So, what you’re saying is that Mr. Beck is ready to have kids for the first time in roughly a century, and he picked Danica Sussman to be the mother?”

  “Well, I doubt she was the only one,” Alec said. “Incubi can breed with human women, but it takes a lot of work to produce just one little baby incubus.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Alec shrugged. “I don’t have concrete numbers, but from what I’ve heard—” and because he’d spent a quarter of a century in the Netherworld, Alec’s information was the best we’d have access to “—for every dozen or so girls he gets pregnant, only one will give birth to a healthy baby boy. The rest will either miscarry or give birth to a girl.”

  “So then Danica was just the first, right?” I asked. “There will be more like her?”

  “Yeah, or there may already have been. He could have a whole string of miscarriages and pregnant girls behind him, but based on the fact that he’s still trying, I’m guessing he doesn’t have a son yet.”

  “Who cares if it’s a boy?” Sabine asked. “What, he’s a sexist lust-demon?”

  Alec actually laughed. “Only the boy babies are incubi. Girls share their mothers’ species and are usually considered worthless.”

  “So, you can’t put an incubus and a human girl together and get a succubus?” I asked, sorting through the details in my head.

  “Nope.” Alec shook his head. “They’re two completely different species. And consider yourself lucky you’re dealing with an incubus, because the only thing scarier than a succubus trying to get pregnant is a succubus who’s already pregnant. Talk about hormonal…”

  “What did you mean about the girl babies being worthless?” Sabine asked, her eyes going dark again, and I realized he’d hit one of her hot buttons. As a toddler, Sabine was abandoned by her parents on a Dallas church doorstep, and after that, she’d bounced from one foster family to the next, for most of her life.

  Alec shrugged. “They’re almost always abandoned by the incubus. As recently as a few decades ago, it was difficult for a mother to raise an illegitimate child alone, so the baby might have been abandoned by the mother, too. That’s not much of an issue today, though.” The mara didn’t answer, but I could see anger simmering quietly in the dark depths of her eyes.

  “So, how does this charm work?” I asked, trying to redirect the discussion.

 
; Alec shrugged. “I’ve never actually met an incubus, and I’m not sure his charm would work on me even if I liked guys, because I’m half-hypnos.” His father was a minor Netherworld creature who fed on the energy from sleeping humans, as it bled through the barrier between worlds. “But from what I understand, just being around him makes people…well, want him. If he’s reining it in, which he probably is in a public place, it’ll exaggerate the symptoms of physical attraction. Students may start competing for his attention. They’ll flirt and try to impress him. They’ll touch him and try to get him to touch them. They’ll become infatuated with him very quickly and personally offended by criticism of him.”

  Uh-oh. That sounded like Emma already.

  “It’ll be strongest with those who are already attracted to him, but it could have a light effect on just about any human,” Alec continued. “But when he finds someone he wants, either to impregnate or to feed from, he’ll turn it on full-strength, and the lucky girl will… Well, she’ll need him. Desperately. Like a craving she can’t control.”

  “But it’s like some kind of spell, right?” I said, uncomfortably reminded of the strength of Nash’s Influence, when he lost control of it. “She doesn’t really want him, she just thinks she does, because of this charm crap. Right?” I said, thinking back to Danica’s physical obsession with her baby’s father.

  “I don’t know, Kay,” Alec said, obviously reluctant to voice whatever was coming next. “I think it’s less like a spell and more like primal physical attraction. It’s hormonal, and it’s very strong.”

  “Do they actually fall in love with him?” Sabine asked, her nose wrinkled in disgust, and I was relieved to realize we were on the same page for once.

  “No,” Alec said. “And most of them have no delusions about that—at least, the older, more experienced women. They know they don’t love him. They may not even like him. But they physically have to have him, like they have to have food and air.”

  “So…sleeping with him is consensual?” Sabine asked.